~* BrokEn_LIttLE_DoLLIE *~

My Bdy WIshLIsT..!!

2009-02-10T13:06:00.000-08:00

Firstly.. This is E info for E Bo Xim or not-so-wu-xim ppl.. I'm turning 21 on E 10th March. =P

Most prob celebrating E wkend bef tt, which'd be either E 6th or 7th night. (all E wu xim ppl pls free this night for me.)

& as for wht I'd like.. Hee.. *^^*

*Spoil Me Rotten..!!*

- I still want my PSP slim..!! (I rrly rrly wnt it. *pretty pls pls* @.@)
- E new Sony Ericssion 8.1 MP Handphone OR E new LG Renoir

*Pamper Me*

- Shopping Vouchers (Pet Shop/Taka/Robinsons..etc wld be rrly nice.)
- Salvatore Ferragamo Femme Eau de Parfum (it's E champagne coloured one in E beautiful twisted bottle)/David Doff Cool Water For Woman/(Any frangrance tt lies ard this range. i.e swit-smelling & NOT musky)
- Bring me for a spa/hair do/eyelash extn/nail extn =P

*E Practicals..*

- BRANDS Bird Nest/Chicken Essense/Inner Shine (I quite need these almost all E time, seriously)

- (Well. I guess all shld know..) It's gg to be v "helpful" actually. Cos I'll be gg on holiday..!!

E. tt's all I can think of for E time being.

(P.S For E ex stuff, pls share. =l)

FInally Bk UpdaTInG AgaIn..

2009-02-10T12:07:00.000-08:00

Hi all. Yupp yupp. I know it's been like ages since I last updated. But well. Btr late than nv right..? =P

But oh god. If I were to literally continue fr whr I last stopped...

*faintx*

So I think I shld just start all over again fr now onwards. Hee.

Oh well. Valentine & my bdy are both coming up..!! & so far as to wht I know, (cos I'm actually not supposed to know) I shld be gg on a short getaway. Then as for my bdy wise, I'll be gg on a holiday, to my beloved Bangkok..!! Yay..!!

Oh. For those who are wondering - hehx.. I'm finally turning 21 this yr. *special*

& which is also why.. Smone decided to spoil me rotten.. w 21 prezzies..!! & yupp yupp. It's none other than swit Mr Alvin. *smilex*

E First: ~*+. Key Watch From Jennifer Lopez .*+~

This watch literally caught my eye & took my heart away fr tt little corner in E cabinet. I rmmr rushing pass it, then stopping in my tracks & gg bk just to tk a gd look @ it. & seriously, I dun think anyone wld miss it - it's rrly pretty & oh-so unique. Also E fact tt it's in E shape of a key literally holds all E significance to me.

E Second: ~*+. Hello Kitty Doll .*+~

Saw this on E shelf in 7-11 & rrly like it. Well. I love Hello Kitty. *^^*

E Third: ~*+. E Body Shop Vdy Special Body Shower & Body Milk .*+~

This new series is so pinky & smells so nicey..!!

E Fourth: ~*+. Limited Handmade Bunny Pumps From Japan .*+~

This is another one which caught my eye & melted my heart. Gosh. It's so CUTE..!! But well. Dun underestimates its price though, due to E fact tt it's all E way fr Japan & v limited cos it's hand-made.

I was rrly in love w it but cldn't bear to buy. But afr which.. When I actually got it as my 4th prezzie, I just realised tt I so so pampered.. *^^*

(Picture to come soon..)

E Fifth & Sixth: ~*+. Espirit Bag & Wallet .*+~

E Seventh: ~*+. 101 Love Songs .*+~

Saw this advertising on Tv & rrly like it cos all E songs in it are so nice. & of cos on top of it, it's rrly value for $..!

(More To Be Updated Again.. ^^)

**Due to horrible format, all pictures are now in my friendster pofile. Do feel free to view..!

My Xmas WIshLIsT..!! ^^

2008-12-10T21:35:00.000-08:00

Nov2006
GEE. So hpy hpy.. It's Xmas..!! PrEzzIEs PrEzzIEs.. ^^

~*+. SpoIL mE RottEn .+*~

- A nIcE paIr oF dEsIgnEr shadEs (E. I ThInk ThIs Is a LIttLE way Too ExpEnsIvE so I'd boughT It For mysELF agaIn.. hEE. I sErIousLy ThInk tt I'm LovInG mysELF a LIttLE Too much.. ^^")
- A whITE/pInk PSP SLIm

~*+. SpoIL mE .+*~
- A nIcE pockET-sIzE MP3 pLayEr. (HonEsTLy 1G Is Gd Enough For mE.)
- A paIr oF LEVIS JEans. (GoT It For mysELF.. ^^)
- ShoppInG VouchErs
- Spa MassagE VouchErs
- A nIcE LonG waLLET
- A nIcE sIlvEr crysTaL nEckLacE
- A nIcE sILvEr crysTaL RInG

~*+. E PracTIcaLs For Work.+*~

- A nIcE bLuETooTh compaTIbLE w my LG vIEwTy
- Canon PowErshoT E1 In PInk

~*+. E swIT & v much apprEcIaTEd .+*~

- Any hand-madE sTuff ^^

hEE.

I rrLy. rrLy. Hd Enough.

2008-12-02T23:55:00.000-08:00

Oh god. I can't bliv tt it's been so long since I lst updated. Just wht hv I been doing..? *wonders*

But well. E for E state tt I'm in now.. I think I'd b bk here pretty often again. For all E emotions tt has been suppressed for way so long, & hving no one to listen, to talk to & to understand.

My family hd nv been gd. Or in fact "normal" shld b E word. E "drama" elements tt my family has can b shoot into E S'pore's version of Hong Kong's family drama series "Zhen Qing" I suppose. Whr it cld easily just bring tears to anyone who watches it. However, there's nth tt I can sy/do abt it. & there isn't anyone to blame. Hence I spend 1/2 of my life wondering abt E many "Ifs" which @ E ltr part of my life, evaporated into nth but pointless destroyal of my limited brain cells.

So afr tt, I moved on & decided tt myb, I shld start paying more attn to my own life instd. I rmmr being hopeful & all bcos I thought tt, well, @ least now I get to mk my own choices. Only to realised tt things turned out even worse than before bcos I ended up blaming myself instd.

Recently, (note tt when I sy "recently" it actually means "these few months") I dunno why but ppl ard me hd all been trying to test my patience & push me to my limits. & I think I seriously had enough of it.

Listen ppl. Just bcos I am forgiving by nature doesn't mean tt I will always just tk your nonsense(s) & your shit(s). I'd been like this for 20 yrs of my life, & I seriously think tt I'd taken enough. So if you ain gonna b true to me, then pls just scam.

I cried while typing this. & I can't bliv it bcos I rarely cry bcos of anger. But I actually did. Hence I know. That I rrly. rrly. Hd enough.

InsEnsITIvITy.

2008-06-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

I wondEr.

Why Is It so hard.

Why Is It so hard For Guys To JusT bE a LIttLE morE sEnsITIvE.

WhT arE ThEy all ThInkInG. I nv undErsTand.

& wld no LongEr Try To.

*ExhausTEd & pIssEd*

GdbyE my prEcIous...

2008-06-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

I'm dEprEssEd TonIghT.. Why..?

Cos my prEcIous LIttLE onE Is LEavInG mE.. Or shLd I sy. I'm gg To rETurn hIm bk To hIs rIghTFuL ownEr.

3 yrs.. I can'T bLIv hE'd bEEn by my sIdE For tt LonG.. TImE rrLy FLIEs..

BuT rEcaLLInG E scEnE whEn I sTEppEd InTo my room Tdy - I knEw tt my dEcIsIon was rIghT.

"Go my darLInG. It's TImE To Go bk To your daddy. Mummy hd FosTErEd you For hIm For 3 yrs aLr. TILL now Mummy can no LongEr conTInuE as Mummy dun EvEn gET much chancEs To Go bk homE - noT To sy gIvE you all E LovE & attEnTIon tt you dEsErvEd, or EvEn do E msT FundamEnTaL ThInGs LIkE FEEdInG you & brIngInG you For waLks. Do you know It rrLy paIns Mummy To sEE you all nEgLEcTEd - ThIrsTy, hungry & all aLonE..?

Mummy can'T bEar It anymorE. So pLs go bk w your daddy, as hE'd dEFInaTELy bE abLE To gIvE you so much morE - all tt you dEsErvEd.

BuT pLs do noT ForgET Mummy.

Mummy rrLy LovEs you.

rrLy rrLy do."

*TEars*

E LIttLE whITE onE..

2008-06-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

As promIsEd, hErE's E pIcs..!!

Oh God. Dun you ThInk ThIs LIttLE onE Is JusT sImpLy adorabLE.. O.o

JusT wanna bE ALonE..

2008-06-14T14:25:00.000-07:00

yEs. I know. It's 5:22am. Why am I In hErE @ ThIs kInda TImE.

SImpLE - I can'T sLp.

EmpTInEss. purELy EmpTInEss.

I'm TIrEd.

Dun wanna prETEnd anymorE.

I no LongEr wnT anyThInG Fr you. PLs JusT LEmmE Go. PLs JusT LEmmE Go bk To whErE I camE From.

I..

JusT wanna bE ALonE..

~* I'm LonELy whEn I'm aLonE.

BuT tt's cos I'm aLonE.

I'm LonELIEr whEn I am w you..

Why Is tt so..?

... *~

For JunE'08 (UpdaTEs)

2008-06-13T01:35:00.000-07:00

Hmmmx. So my LsT Entry was abT FIFI ya..

&..

ShE'd gIvEn bIrTh To 2 ExTrEmELy adorabLE onEs..!! OMG. Can you bLIv It. I nEarLy dIEd oF purE Joy. (*LoLx*)

BuT anyway. HErE's E pIcs.

E WhItE LIttLE onE Is up For adopTIon. (PIc oF hIm wILL bE upLoadEd LTr, buT For E TImE bEInG you can JusT pIcTurE In your mInd - hE's JusT E mInIaTurE vErsIon oF hIs mum)

Oh. BuT noT ThIs bLack onE Though. hE's my prEcIous LIttLE CharcoaL & cos ThIs poor LIttLE onE was paraLyzEd Fr bIrTh I'm nv gonna gIvE hIm up.

So wELL, If you know oF anyonE who's InTErEsTEd & wILL dEFInaTELy Tk rEaL Gd carE oF my LIttLE darLInG do LEmmE know. ^^

As For updaTEs abT mysELF. Oh ya. SamE oLd ThInG whEn It comEs To wk - Bz Bz. JunE's a rrLy packEd wEddInG mTh & In JuLy I'll hv a 10 dys oF bazzaars To run. *FaInTx* BuT wELL. I gonna wk rEaL hard. If noT how To pay oFF my "dEbTs" & supporT mysELF & my 7 LIttLE onEs. T-T

As For my LovE LIFE. wELL. sTILL gg on wELL I supposE. JusT. wELL. dIsappoInTmEnTs comInG up onE-aFr-anoThEr. I guEss. WhEn you'd bEEn Thru a LoT oF r/s(s) Esp bad onEs your LovE pLus E TImE, EFForT & all tt you'rE wILLInG To puT In For E upcomInG onE wILL graduaLLy dEcrEasEd. I'd goT To bE undErsTandInG Towards tt. Ya?

So xIaocIn. ForgET abT E FacT tt hE'd buy you FLowErs, cook you a mEaL or whTEvEr swIt-LIttLE-nThs tt hE usEd To do For anoThEr. It's noT gg To hpn To you. So JusT ELImInaTE E ExpEcTaTIons & you wun gET E dIsappoInTmEnT. & noT To mEnTIon E cooLInG oFF passIon & all - you arE v ExpErIEncEd w tt hEncE shLd hv bracEd up yoursELF a LonG TImE ago For It. So wELL. JusT Tk It as a "rEmEdIaL" oF LEssons LEarnT bEForE.

As For E ppL who'd bEEn comInG nEar (You know who you arE), I'm so sorry buT I ThInk I hd To & hd movEd on. No mTr how sToopId & sILLy I'd oncE bEEn & myb sTILL arE now, I supposE I'm noT To E ExTEnd tt I'd wnT To go Thru E samE oLd paIn agaIn. So. No mTr whT kInda sTaTus I am In now or In E FuTurE, & bE It Gd or bad, pLs dun comE bk To mE anymorE as you can'T do any bTr.

rrLy sorry If I soundEd kInda cruEL buT tt's how you'd oncE TrEaTEd mE. So wE gotta bE FaIr ya. *hurTx* (& sTILL hurTs TILL now.)

Bz..!!

2008-05-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

OMG.

yEs. I know It's a rEaL LonG TImE sIncE I updaTE. I know..!! *sTrEssEd*

Ya. rrLy so sTrEssEd up rEcEnTLy. AppTs Fr cusTs nEw & oLd, BIz & markETInG mEETInGs w E magazInE EdItors, gEttInG oF suppLIEs Fr suppLIErs (boTh LocaL & ovErsEas), manuFacTurInG & packagInG oF E company's own rangE oF pdTs, ppInG For E upcomInG bazaars & EvEnTs, TraInInG all E (HopEFuLLy) FuTurE ouTsTandInG Icons To-bEs In This IndusTry.. *FaInTx*

BuT wELL wELL. AparT Fr all my bz wk schEduLE & sTuFF, my "pErsonaL" LIFE hd bEEn raThEr FuLFILLInG as wELL.

BroughT Mummy ouT Fr hEr LonG-cravEd Da ChanG JInG KorEan BBQ as a MoThEr's dy TrEaT, cELEbraTEd JIE's bdy, & E happIEsT ThInG oF all, I FInaLLy goT my bELovEd Baby a maTE..!!

God. Afr so LonG. FInaLLy.

HEr namE's FIFI. EXTREMELY FLuffy & Oh-so Adorable. I rrLy LovE hEr To bITs.
(BTw. CrEdITs all To JoJo. ThkIE. *Hugz*)

HErE's a FEw pIcs oF hEr. Who wILL noT admIT tt shE's so cuTE..??!!

OvErc@sTInG Shadows..

2008-04-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

ArE you In.. Or noT yET?

I dunno.

You FELT as Though.

WhILE oThErs ThoughT so.

My hEarT hurTs.

My souL LonG ago GonE.

I ToLd you tt.

& you sy tt you know.

BuT pLs dun JusT know,

PLs, you shLd Go.

For I dun wanna mE TELLInG mysELF agaIn: -

"sEE, I ToLd you so."

TImE wILL TELL.

& TImE wILL provE.

ThEsE arE JusT bEauTIFuL syInGs

Tt I am so usEd To.

Not tt I doubT oF any

onE or ThInG tt's TruE

JusT tt I was nv tt Lucky

To know whT's "I LovE You".

I oncE ThoughT It's so bEauTIFuL

So prEcIous & so TruE

BuT onLy dId I rEaLIzEd

Tt's onLy whEn It's nEw.

I dunno whT To sy or do -

I JusT FEEL so conFusE.

I ThInk I rrLy hd EnouGh

oF bEInG such a FooL...

PLans..?

2008-04-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

GottEn bTr & hd wEnT bk To wk.

God. Hd bEEn rrLy prEtty bz, provIdEd E FacT tt 3 oF E appTs wErE broughT Forward Fr LsT wk & tt I'd JusT gottEn a nEw sTudEnTs who's pIckInG up E FuLL ProFEssIonaL CoursE Fr mE. (ImagInE I'd To rEach hEr pLc @ 7am EvEry mornInG. O.o)

BuT wELL. tt's a Gd ThInG To my FIancE sIdE Though. As I'm plannInG a TrIp In May. ^^

Hmmmx. Hd a FEw pLans comInG up & no morE procasTInaTIon ThIs TImE. Hv To bE rrLy dIscIpLInE worr. XIaocIn JIa you..!! >

PS: Thks To EvEryonE who'd showErEd mE w carE & concErn. I'm much bTr now aLr, so no worrIEs ya. *smILEx*

UpdaTEs..

2008-04-06T18:34:00.000-07:00

My. Can'T bLIv aLmosT 2 mThs hd JusT gonE by LIkE tt, For so much hd hpnEd.

No poInT bkTrEkkInG all E wy bk. (AcTuaLLy I'm JusT v Lazy. =P) So. LET's JusT sEE whT'd hpnEd rEcEnTLy ba.

Ya. I'd bEEn onLInE quItE a LoT. For dys bEForE yTd, I canT wk nor do anyThInG much. For my wound rrLy hurTs.

Oh. & as For how E wound camE abT.. wELL. I was InvoLvEd In a car AccIdEnT.

NTh much To ELaboraTE on tt buT JusT a sToopId P PLaTE Van drIvEr. *sIghx..* BuT LuckILy, no onE was rrLy badLy InJurEd or anyThInG. (Thks To saFETy bELTs, sErIousLy)

BuT wELL. WhT I rmmrEd v cLEarLy was tt @ E poInT whEn I was abT To bLack ouT, I saw my mum, my bro & my sIs. & shorTLy aFr whIch, I saw scEnEs oF my LIFEs FLashEs paT my mInd.

I'd know oF such EFFEcTs Thru Tv sErIEs, movIEs & EvEn oF sm ppL's rEaL LIFE ExpErIEncEs. & now tt It'd hpnEd To mE, I Found ouT tt It's TruE.

WhEn you know you arE on E vErgE oF dyInG, you'll "sEE" all E ppL whom you rrLy LovE & cLdn'T bEar To LEavE bEhInd. & E v nxT mmT aFr tt tt you sEE you LIFE FLash Thru, you'd bE scrEamInG dEEp InsIdE "I dun wanna dIE."

wELL. I supposE. I had rrLy wEnT Thru prEtty much In LIFE..

gEttInG TIrEd..

2008-02-22T15:33:00.000-08:00

I'm gEttInG rrLy sIck & TIrEd oF prETEndEncE - tt oF mysELF To oThErs, & oF cos, E vIcE vErsa.

I dun undErsTand why sm ppL LIkE To assumE. Or worsT TILL, assumE tt oThErs arE assumInG whEn ThEy arE E onEs prETEndInG all ALonG. JusT tt ThEy rEFusE To admIT It.

ThErE arE ALso sm ppL LIkE tt buT ThEy prETEnd noT bcos ThEy arE AFraId tt oThErs cannoT accEpT ThEm buT In E FIrsT pLacE - ThEy cannoT EvEn accEpT ThEmsELvEs. ThIs. Is rrLy sad.

& I supposE I am smonE LIkE tt.

JusT tt raThEr Than "prETEndEncE" now, I choosE To JusT kEEp quIET & hIdE. Ya. I can'T rrLy bE mysELF. BuT tt doEsn'T gImmE any ExcusE To prETEnd To bE smonE ELsE.

I LIvE Each dy now - FocusInG on ThInGs tt arE wIThIn my conTroL. Cos I rrLy dunno whT To do w E onEs tt arE noT anymorE. JusT LET Go & movE on..

My VaLEnTInE..

2008-02-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

My FIrsT vdy "daTE" - ThErE wasn'T EvEn E InTEnTIon @ all. HEncE. ThErE was nTh "vaLEnTIny" abT It. No conFEssIons, no FLowErs, no gIFTs, no nTh.

BuT yET. It was so mEmorabLE.

BEForE E "daTE", wE'd our v FIrsT phonE convErsaTIon. I sTILL rmmr FEELInG so bLur @ FIrsT whEn I ans E phonE & hd a v Low & Lazy maLE's voIcE comInG ouT Fr E oThEr sIdE. hE caLLEd Fr hIs wkshop you sEE, so It was an unknown no. ThEn ImagInE how ThrILLEd I was whEn E voIcE saId "CIndy. G******."

dEspITE E FacT tt wE barELy know Each oThEr, ThErE was no hoLdInG bk. & no prETEndEncE @ all. WE boTh JusT chattEd E wy wE wLd w any oThEr FrIEnd. whIch FEELs rrLy warm & Fuzzy & nIcE. *".*

AFr whIch I wEnT sInGInG. v LonG nv sInG LE. FELT so Gd. ^^

@ nIghT I wEnT dwn To CDANS To bowL. & hd my bEsT vdy gIFT EvEr. My wIsh camE TruE - I bowLEd w my IdoL.

On Top oF tt. I ALso Found ouT a LoT oF ThInGs. AbT E "bEttInG sysTEm", hIs kakIs, & how much hE acTuaLLy knEw abT mE bEForE. *"*

It dIdn'T Tk LonG For mE To FInd mysELF rrLy sTarTInG To LIkE hIm.

BuT wELL. No mTr how. I know EvEryThInG wILL hv To sTop rIghT hErE. I dun wnT ThInGs To Turn ugLy, hEncE JusT LET mE rEmaIn ThIs wy ba. It Is EnouGh To mk mE hpy.. *smILEx*

OnLy LonELy..

2008-02-14T09:08:00.001-08:00

I'd known abT my zodIac TELLInG sIncE LsT yr. & whT LEFT E dEEpEsT ImpacT In mE Is E parT abT my LovE LIFE. It sys tt For E yr 2008, E dragon's LovE LIFE wILL bE v rough & Tough. IndEEd v TruE.

wELL. If you wErE To rEFEr bk To my prEvIous EnTry - "E msT paInFuL kInda LovE", myb you'll undErsTand whT I'm TalkInG abT.

So as accuraTE as E syInG Is, so shLd bE E advIcE I supposE. I.E For E unattachEd, ThEy shLd rEmaIn ThIs way For ThIs yr.

BuT pErhaps I'm sTILL bLEssEd In a wy I'm sTILL bEInG doTEd on by a LoT oF ppL. Thks To All oF you, you all hd broughT smILEx To my FacE & coLours To my LIFE.

As To hIm. I know wE cannoT bE TogEThEr. BuT. I gLad To know how you rrLy FEEL. Dun worry abT mE. As I'd ToLd you - I'm a sTronG gIrL. ^^

& I'll bE movInG on.. JusT on my own.

All E oLd posTs Fr My FrIEndsTEr bLogg..

2008-02-12T14:37:00.001-08:00

E posTs tt I'd kEpT sIncE tt v LonG TImE ago.. ThEy rrLy mEanT a LoT To mE..

27 August 2006

~ I FEEL Lykk I canT brEaThE..

.. I dunno whyy I'm TypIng ThIs.. BuT.. LIFE rEcEnTLy hasn'T bEEn Too Gd Forr mE.. CanT rrLy ExpLaIn.. BuT.. I FEEL so brEaThLEss.. It's As If.. I'm sLowLy dyInG InsIdE.

SmTImEs I qns mysELF.. WhT do I wnT..? & whyy..?

pErhaps my mInd wnTEd Too much.. BuT my hEarT.. wnTs noThInG @ All..

A body w/o A souL,
A bIrd w/o Its wInGs.
FaLLInG bk InTo Tt dark pIT,
WhErE onLy LonELInEss knows my namE.

DId I wnTEd Too much..?
Or dId I wnT noThInG @ All..?
Am I rrLy A human,
Or JusT A brokEn doLL..?

I dun wnT To FIghT no morE,
I JusT wanna hIdE.
TILL I'm sTronG EnouGh To mk ThInGs rIghT,
& I couLd sEE E LIghT.

19 September 2006

~ I canT sEEm To LovE AnymorE..

I nvr ExpEcT Tt It'd bE so hard.. I ThoughT, Lykk EvEryonE, Tt I was movInG on JusT FInE. BuT.. I rEaLIzEd.. I canT sEEm To LovE AnymorE..

Look InTo my EyEs,
WhT do you sEE..?
HoLd my hand,
Can you FEEL mE..?

I sEE ThIs worLd,
w noThInG buT TEars.
& I FEEL All humans,
w noThInG buT FEar.

WalkInG ALonE In E raIn,
I LosT nT my wy buT my FaITh.
I FELT As ThouGh I'm gg InsanE,
Why musT LovE brInG so much paIn..?

How LonG morE To prETEnd,
How much morE To LIE..?
Tt I'll ALways smILE & nT cry,
Tt I'm pErFEcTLy FInE..? ..

11 April 2007
~ Bk OncE AgaIn..

LookInG bk all my psT EnTrIEs. It's bEEn A LonG TImE.. SIncE I LsT dId ThIs.

DELETEd so much oF ThEm. For I dIn wnT To rEmInd mysELF Too much.

ThEn kEpT sm oF ThEm. If you rEaLIzEd. ThEy baLancEd - sm so LIkE mE. & sm so noT.

& E rEason why I'm doInG ThIs AgaIn. Is cuz. I cLd.. No LongEr sEE my own rEFLEcTIon In E mIrror AnymorE.
HEncE. LET EvEry sIngLE word In E EnTrIEs Fr now on, rEprEsEnT All E shattErEd pIEcEs oF my souL. & ThEn hopEFuLLy, rEFLEcT E TraILs LEFT bEhInd by E shadows oF my dImInIshInG sELF.

HurT - TILL E uLTImaTE ExTrEmE. GIvEn up on EvEryThInG. ThIs worLd. Is FILLEd w nTh. BuT LIEs.

HEncE. AFr sTruggLInG w coma For so LonG. E vIcTIm Is FInaLLy - pronouncEd dEad.

~* Hv you mET mE? *~

mEET mE.
For E FIrsT TImE.
I'm ThIs.

mEET mE.
For E sEcond TImE.
& I'm ThaT.

ThEn.
mEET mE.
For E ThIrd TImE.

ThIs TImE.
I'm A mIxTurE -
oF ThIs.
& oF ThaT.

AFr whIch.
mEET mE.
Many TImEs morE.

You wILL FInd.
I'm ALways sTILL - A mIxTurE.
oF ThIs.
& oF ThaT.

JusT.
In All dIFFErEnT proporTIons.

BuT whEn?
Do you mEET mE.
& I'm.
mE?

04 May 2007

~ HurT..? Ya.. BuT. I'll LET Go..

Ya. I'vE bEEn LEarnInG To LET Go. & noT Tk ThInGs so hard.

WhEn you sy: "It's bTr To bE JusT. PurELy FrIEnds.", I wondEr. Ya. Myb.

BuT why..?

PErhaps wE boTh know. BuT wE boTh LIE.

Why AgaIn..?

Cuz E TruTh Is ugLy. & It Always hurTs.

JusT wnT To sy. Dun FEEL bad or AnyThInG. It's okkx. Cuz I'm Too usEd To All ThEsE LE. PErhaps. I shLd EvEn Thk you ba. For JusT LEttInG Go oF mE compLETELy. RaThEr Than LEavInG mE hangInG ThErE - hIgh & dry. tt'd bE much worsE InIT It..?

E. Why sTILL sy so much worr. EvEryThInG hs ALr. ComE To An End LE.

How'd wE Turn ouT To bE In E FuTurE - I sErIousLy dunno. BuT. As To E kInd oF sTaTus tt you wnT. I'll Try my bEsT. JusT gIvE mE sm TImE. To gET ovEr. & I'll bE FInE.

LsT buT nT LEasT - ShE's dEFInaTELy. A much bTr gIrL Than mE. So. All E bEsT To E Two oF you ba. ^^"

~* "CaI HonG dE shou mInG hEn duan zhan. Dan Ta na yI cha na dE mEI LI, quE kE yI daI gEI nI yI bEI zI dE Gan donG.." (TEars) *~

- I'vE AgaIn grown up. A LIttLE morE..

(As a mTr oF FacT.. I'm sTILL doInG so now..)

WrappInG PapErs.

2008-01-17T11:40:00.000-08:00

I LovE wrappInG papErs.

You wILL know whT I'm TalkIng abouT If you wErE To comE InTo my room & sEE E bundLEs oF rolls & rolls oF ThEm on e uppermsT dEck oF my dEsk.

All kInds oF coLours, dEsIgns & EvEn quaLITy. Ya. ImagInE I can hv onE cosTInG $0.10 & E oThEr $2.50.

& oF cos. ThEy sErvE a Gd purposE.

I usE To LovE wrappInG so much tt I'd wrappEd up aLmosT anyThInG. ParTIcLarLy books. *^^*

& now. For E InTErEsTInG parT. How do you FEEL whEn you sEE smThInG wrappEd up..?

~ nIcE?
~ mysTErIous?

ThEn whT If..

WhT If E onE wrappEd up Is NOT an obJEcT, buT a human..?

...

sTILL nIcE & mysTErIous..?

- To bE conTInuEd.. (mEanwhILE. Go ThInk abT It.)

E msT paInFuL kInd oF LovE..

2008-01-17T07:27:00.001-08:00

GIrL: I LovE you.
Boy: BuT I dun.

No.

Boy: I LovE you.
GIrL: BuT I dun.

No.

GIrL: I LovE you.
Boy: I LovE you.

(yET It hpns @ Two dIFF TImInGs.)

No.

GIrL: I LovE you.
Boy: I LovE you Too.

(BuT..)

GIrL: I wnT To LovE you..
Boy: I cannoT LET you..

~* E msT paInFuL wy To bE In LovE Is NOT To bE sIttInG rIghT bEsIdE smonE yET knowInG tt you can'T hv hIm/hEr BUT To bE sIttInG rIghT bEsIdE smonE, knowInG tt you LovEd Each oThEr YET you can nv bE w hIm/hEr..

JusT Do It.

2008-01-13T05:15:00.000-08:00

ThErE's nTh much To bE saId.

I wILL JusT do It.

My LIFE. mE.

No LongEr LosT.

So BLInd..

2008-01-10T11:20:00.001-08:00

LIEs.. So much LIEs..

BLInd.. I'm JusT so bLInd..

I'm TIrEd..

LET Go..

I shLd LET Go..

BuT..

I'm ALrIghT.. Am I?

2008-01-10T05:33:00.000-08:00

It's bEEn so LonG. Too LonG.

WakInG up In E mornInGs w a sTarT, FEELInG so dIsorIEnTEd.

My hEad hurTs. My EyEs hurTs. & msT oF all. My hEarT hurTs. WhEn'll ThIs paIn EvEr End?

I wnT To rEmovE all E vIsIbLE TracEs oF hIm ouT oF my LIFE. BuT It JusT sEEm so ImpossIbLE. mEmorIEs can rrLy haunT.

JusT a whILE ago. wE wErE sTILL so Gd TogEThEr. Why? I can nv undErsTand. Nv.

BLIndEd. By nTh buT LIEs & EmpTInEss. HErE I am AgaIn. AGAIN.

I LaughEd @ ThIs sTErEoTypIcaL pIcTurE oF mIsEry oF mysELF. E LaughTEr rIsInG & rIsInG unTIL TEars scrEamEd down my FacE.

YEs. I'm cryInG agaIn.

It's noT Ez. ALways sTruggLInG w a wELL oF TEars caughT In E ThroaT & unconTroLLabLE TrEmbLInG tt pIErcIng paIn nv FaILEd To accompany.

So I FInaLLy LET ThEm ouT. All ouT. My body convuLsEd as all E unshEd TEars pourEd ouT In a hugE avaLanchE.

It was ExhausTInG.

& As I Look InTo E mIrror, I FInaLLy saw thru my own bravado, whIch myb was a rELIEF. I knEw my hEarT was brokEn. no mTr how I TrIEd To hIdE It. tt's JusT E sImpLE TruTh - My hEarT was JusT so brokEn.

rEsTrucTurInG opEr@TIons In ProgrEss (3)

2008-01-03T19:52:00.000-08:00

A parT oF mE FELT gLad.

@ LEasT. @ LEasT I know shE's abLE To copE so much bTr.

For how much doEs shE knows..?

How much can shE FEEL..?

ShE's JusT a doLL. NTh. BuT a so human-LIkEd doLL.

I sTILL hErE ThouGh. sIttInG all AlonE In E dark & bottomLEss pIT oF whT I'd caLL an "arTIFIcIaL" hEarT. ((So tt ExpLaIns aLL E paIn & E bIg wIdE scar across my chEsT)) SurrounEd by a mILLIon mEmorIEs.

Ya. I know I nEEdEd ThEm. They cannoT bE ErasEd. @ LEasT noT compLETELy. For If noT, how am I gg To handLE all tt LIEs In E psT..? All E ppL. All E ThInGs. I nEEdEd ThEm To bE "normaL".

- To sTILL bE a human In dIsguIsE.

rEsTrucTurInG opEr@TIons In ProgrEss (2)

2008-01-03T19:38:00.000-08:00

I was awakEnEd by E rIngInG oF my phonE. A mIdI pIEcE Fr FInaL FanTasy. It sTILL sound FamILIar. Gd.

"HELLo?" a voIcE camE spILLInG ouT, LIkE a brokEn bag oF bEans.

Am I TalkInG..?

I am. No I'm noT. I dunno. My voIcE FELT so. So dETachEd.

It TurnEd ouT tt E Laundry hd caLLEd To InForm mE tt E 2 JackETs I'd sEnT In arE rEady For coLLEcTIon.

Ya. I sTILL cLd rmmr tt @ E bk oF my hEad.

So. WhT ExacTLy hpnEd..?

NTh @ all..? EvEryThInG FELT E samE.

I saT up. sLowLy To avoId E gIddy spELLs, & sTEppEd ouT oF E room.

ThEn. E nIghTmarE camE.

In E mIrror was smonE I cLd hardLy rEgconIzEd - & It's noT abT E mEssy haIr or E swoLLEn EyEs. It's noT.

I wnTEd To scrEam. To puLL my haIr & scrEam. I wnTEd To cry. To cry ouT Loud & ask why.

BuT To my amazEmEnT. I sTarTEd washInG up. LIkE E sTarT oF any oThEr dy.

@ tt mmT oF TImE. I know I'm gonE.

& shE's bk.

rEsTrucTurInG opEr@TIons In ProgrEss (1)

2008-01-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

FIrsTLy, I rmmr bEInG madE To LIE down - sTraIghT on my bk.

STarInG @ E coLd whITE cEILInG, mEmorIEs FLash Thru my TIny LIttLE mInd & TEars FLowEd down my chEEks unconTroLLabLy - For E v LsT TImE, I ThoughT To mysELF.

I cLosEd my EyEs. E TImE has comE.

FELT my cLoThEs bEInG rEmovEd. PIEcE by pIEcE. & I sTarTEd TrEmbLInG. Oh God. Is It gg To hurT..?

ThEn aLmosT ImmEdIaTELy. I LaughEd @ mysELF. wELL. JusT how much can It hurT..?

By E End oF all ThEsE ThoughTs, I'm aLr ToTaLLy nakEd.

"GoodbyE" I murmurEd soFTLy.

A pIErcInG paIn wEnT rIghT Thru my FLEsh. I wnTEd To scrEam. BuT I sEEm To hv LosT my voIcE. Hd It bEEn RemovEd alr..? No. No. I dun rrmr tt. My ThroaT Is JusT Too dry I supposE.

& nxT. SmThInG rEachEd In. SmThInG rEachEd In rEaL dEEp. & ThErE It was. My TErrIbLy woundEd hEarT. So woundEd tt E paIn, whEn It was TouchEd, was a mILLIon TImEs worsE Than whEn my FLEsh was cuT. I wnTEd To dIE.

BuT I cLdn'T. I know & tt's E worsT ThInG EvEr - I can nv dIE.

I sLowLy opEn my EyEs. & waTch hELpLEssLy as E syrIngE was bEInG FILLEd. A coLourEd LIquId. BuT my vIsIon was so bLurry tt I cLdn'T rrLy mk ouT coLours anymorE.

ChEsT opEnEd up. HEarT hELd In pLacE. ThErE & ThEn. InJEcTEd.

E paIn.

So dEEp.

So InTEnsE.

I bLackEd ouT.

My 2008 rEsoLuTIons..

2008-01-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

& FInaLLy. My 2008 rEsoLuTIons..

AFr so LonG. AFr FInaLLy "sEttLInG down" w mysELF.

Wk: ((E FIrsT EvEr prIorITy))
To LET MIr@cLEz prospEr.

STudIEs:
To compLETE JLPT1.

LovE:
OuT oF E wy pLs.

ppL ard:
- You may comE & go as you pLs. I noT gg To LET It hurT or EvEn boThEr mE anymorE.
- BuT WarnInG. Dun attEmpT To Touch or EvEn comE cLosE To mE. I'll bITE.

mysELF:
SImpLy, (yET E hardEsT oF all) To LovE mysELF a LIttLE morE. I supposE tt sys It all.

~* I'm movInG on. w/o all tt I shLd LET Go oF. I shaLL bE E onE TurnInG ard & waLkInG away Fr now on..

FIn@LLy. Found It.

2008-01-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

走了那么远
发现你不在身边
独自走过了什么
自己都不了解
未来的蓝图应该有你
不该只剩叹息
只是偶尔泪流不停

坚强的理由
只是自己骗自己
你眼中的恐惧
说什么都多余
付出的一切值不值得
永远不会有答案
只有天知道我有多么爱你

一颗心属于一个人
在爱情里什么算公平
爱的深也伤的深
是不是催眠了自己
一颗心属于我自己
爱情里找不到公平
而当你最后选择了逃避
我学会不公平

AnoThEr?

2008-01-03T08:39:00.000-08:00

((JusT as I was TalkInG abT It.. AnoThEr onE hd LEFT..))

A says:
So Bz?

B says:
yea, kinda

A says:
You'd bEEn drIFTInG away Fr us.

A says:
It's kInda sad.

A says:
JusT LEavInG w/o a word.

A says:
As In you JusT LEavInG w/o a word.

A says:
but If tt's your dEcIsIon wE wILL rEspEcT It.

A says:
I JusT hopE you undErsTand tt E reason bEInG why wE arE sTILL aLways askInG you ouT Is noT bcos wE arE rrLy tt dEsparaTE For companIon buT bcos wE rrLy TrEasurE E kInda bond tt wE all oncE usEd To sharE.

A says:
JusT Look @ tt pIc.

A says:
Look @ It LonG & hard.

A says:
pErhaps you wILL rEaLIsE tt whT usEd To LIE In It Is no LongEr ThErE anymorE.

A says:
EvEryonE Is Torn, TattErEd & sImpLy drIFTInG aparT.

B says:
i didn't leave. dun assume that i left. just understand that i do have my own stuff to do. i have other cliques to attend to. other pple to be there for sometimes. i can't be with u guys all the time. and i really dun like it when pple come to me and say : u used to spend so much time with us, but why now never? perhaps it's my fault for having too many cliques? that if i start neglecting one abit they start to say these?

A says:
ThEn pErhaps wE shLd aLL LEran how To dIsTrIbuTE our TImE EvEnLy.

A says:
& noT Throw onE whoLE Lumpsum oF TImE @ a grp ovEr a shorT pErIod oF TImE ThEn swITch To anoThEr aFr a whILE w/o a word.

A says:
If E ppL TruLy mTrs To you, you dun JusT comE & go as you pls.

A says:
wE dun TrEaT you as JusT a passErby tt's why It hurTs & tt's why wE "compLaIn".

A says:
BuT I guEss E LEsson LEarnT Is tt wE shLd All noT To hoLd on To ppL &/or ThInGs tt cLd sImpLy LET us Go.

A says:
tt's all I can sy.

A says:
Tk c & Gd nItE.

Akira says:
win liao lo. fine, if u're implying that i DO NOT treasure the friendship, jolly well go ahead. complain all u want. do not assume u noe what i'm thinking or watever it is u're thinking that i'm thinking. i'm just sick n tired of this world okie. leave me alone for the time being. thanks.

BLEEdInG..

2008-01-03T08:31:00.000-08:00

在东京铁塔第一次眺望
看灯火模仿坠落的星光
我终於到达但却更悲伤
一个人完成我们的梦想

你总说时间还很多
你可以等我
以前我不懂得
未必明天就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

没看你脸上张扬过哀伤
那是种多么寂寞的倔强
你拆了城墙让我去流浪
在原地等我把自己捆绑

你没说你也会软弱
需要依赖我
我就装不晓得
自由移动自我地过

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

我发誓不再说谎了
多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了
灵魂像飘浮着你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候
陪你做想做的无论什么
我越来越像贝壳
怕心被人触碰你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了

BLEEdInG..

2008-01-03T08:22:00.000-08:00

爱过才知道
恨不算什么
思念挥不去愧疚
再见已经很久
哭过才明白
笑有多么痛
命运躲不过作弄
这份爱走到了尽头

oh 血…
渐渐红了衣袖
我的泪…
不停的在流
是荆棘编成的网
划破对你的依赖
我依然守着
不想放
这该死的爱

失去才明了
有过的快乐
回忆抛不开寂寞
思念还那么重
走过才明白
谎言让人瘦
拥抱敌不过忧愁
就算离别也不放手

oh 血…
渐渐红了衣袖
我的泪…
不停的在流
是荆棘编成的网
划破对你的依赖
我依然守着
不想放
这该死的爱

SImpLIcITy..

2008-01-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

SmThInG I wnTEd so much To achIEvE. BuT JusT can'T sEEm To. PErhaps vIa TryInG so Hard To mk ThInGs sImpLE mks ThInGs EvEn morE compLIcaTEd Than EvEr.

In TruTh. I wnT nTh bEhInd E vEIL. WhIch smTImEs onLy mks mE EvEn hardEr To bE undErsTood. NoT JusT by oThErs. BuT by mysELF. YEs. E ImpT onE - mysELF.

@ TimEs In my LIFE. I can bE so dIFF To undErsTand. NoT bEcausE I'm rrLy sTrangE &/or compLIcaTEd. BuT bEcausE I can bE so sImpLE.

By sImpLIcITy I do noT mEan E absEncE oF a muLTIpLIcITy oF ELEmEnTs. As aLL rELIgIous pracTIcE cLEarLy shows tt EvEn E msT ordInary man Is hIghLy compLIcaTEd. E causE oF whT sTrIkEs mE aLIEn & ImpEnETrabLE In many EyEs & mInds Is noT E prEsEncE oF a bEwILdErInG arrayoF conFLIcTInG ELEmEnTs In my psychE, buT raThEr E FacT tt no conFLIcT Is acTuaLLy To ExIsT bTw mE & mysELF.

ThIs. EvEn To mysELF. Can bE so dIFF To undErsTand.

So whT mks you ThInk you do. &/or you can acTuaLLy undErsTand mE..?

FInE. So FInE.

2008-01-03T08:03:00.000-08:00

AFr a whILE. I ThoughT To mysELF.

WhT If It's nT LIkE tt?
WhT If smThInG hpnEd?
WhT If E whT If Is rEaL & I'm Too LaTE?

Oh no, No.

So I caLLEd.

BuT. It TurnEd ouT - EvEryThInG's FInE. In FacT EvEryThInG Is as FInE as EvEr. Myb EvEn FInEr.

MorE TEars.

E v LsT..

2008-01-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

E v LsT msG camE LaTE. I sTILL rmmr. 2 dys LaTE.

"BuT bTr LaTE Than nv, rIghT..?" I sTILL rmmr ThInkInG & smILInG To mysELF.

OpEnEd It. rEad It. FEELs normaL - CasuaL, w a bIT oF warmTh. & FuzzInEss. (@ LEasT tt's how It FELT - To mE)

NTh odd. NTh To arousE any bIT oF suspIcsIon. NTh.

BuT. It aLL camE To nTh as wELL.

As Fr ThEn on. NTh camE. NTh @ aLL.

JusT GonE. JusT GonE LIkE tt.

All ALonE. All ALonE wondErInG whT wEnT wronG.

BuT ThErE aIn any ans. AIn any ans For mE @ aLL.

OnLy TEars. TEars. & onLy TEars.

ThEn a hEarT-wrETchInG paIn tt brInGs EvEn morE TEars aLTogEThEr.

OncE morE.

OncE morE..

I'm hpy For All oF you..

2007-12-17T11:54:00.000-08:00

rEcEnTLy a LoT oF "sIngLEs" ard mE hd gottEn attached. sEEInG ThEm happILy In LovE mks mE wondEr If LovE cLd JusT rEmaIn ThIs wy ForEvEr.

JusT so purE. & so sImpLE.

Pray hard To God For ThEm tt ThEIr LovE wILL noT End up LIkE mInE..

NTh. NTh buT BubbLEs.

Oh Lord. PLs do noT bE cruEL To ThEsE ppL. All ThEsE ppL whom I TrEasurE. E bLIssFuL smILE on all ThEIr FacEs. PLs aLways LET mE sEE It.

WhErE's my gIrL..?

2007-12-16T08:07:00.000-08:00

FrankLy. I'd no IdEa @ all how To bEgIn ThIs.

Myb. JusT shorT, sImpLE & swEET - I'd LosT E "gIrL" In mE.

Bk To how I was whEn I'm younG. AcTIvE. SporTy. TomboyIsh. & JusT so sTubbormLy sTronG. Ahh. NoT ForgEttInG E msT ImpT ThInG - I dun rrLy cry. Oh waIT. ThErE's a LIttLE caTch In ThIs onE. Cos E mE now dun EvEn cry - @ all.

MEssy HaIr. PoLo TEE. ShorTs. Track shoEs. 100% no mk-up. Gd (buT @ TImEs rrLy sInFuL) Food. DoInG sTupId acTIons In pubLIc ThEn Laugh LIkE mad TogEThEr. LaughInG ouT Loud. (I mEan RRLY OUT LOUD. As In E WAHAHAHAHA KInd) wEarInG a skIrT buT LIFT up E LEg on E chaIr To wEar puT on socks & shoEs. wEarInG a skIrT buT sITs cross-LEggEd ON E FLOOR In E MRT. No morE shoppInG. No morE gIrLIE sTuFF. ETc. Too much. Ya. tt's how I'd bEEn rEcEnTLy.

& It mks mE wondEr. ShLd I mIghT as wELL bE a guy..?

Hmmmx.

Gd, or b@d dy..?

2007-12-11T09:55:00.000-08:00

FIrsTLy. WLd LIkE To sy tt I smhow mIss my oLd bLogg. I.E E onE tt usEd To bE undEr my FrIEndsTEr Acc. sTILL rmmrInG hvInG LoyaL "supporTErs" & hEraT-warmInG commEnTs. *sIghx..*

Anyway. WhT shLd I sy abT yTd..

LET's bEgIn Fr 12a.m. WhErE was I & whT was I doInG? Oh. I was ovEr @ CDANS. TraInInG w MH For E comInG TournamEnTs. EndEd Ard 2:45a.m. AFr whIch wE saT In E Lobby TILL abT 5a.m. In E mornInG. Why? Bcos E sTupId raIn rEFusEd To sTop or EvEn gET LIghTEr. ><"

Upon rEachInG hm, E FIrsT ThInG I dId was TkInG a showEr. ThEn cLImb onTo bEd. &.. ZZzzz E nxT ThInG I knEw, my hp was rIngInG & my hsE maId was @ E door. FInaLLy..!! SmonE To hELp mE ouT a LIttLE. As shE cLEans E room I sTarTEd packInG & TEndInG To my LIttLE onEs. wELL. FELT so gd To hv my LIttLE onEs smELLInG Gd & In cLEan cagEs agaIn. *^^*

NxT ThInG, was To do naILs For my mum. BEEn agEs sIncE wE wnTEd To do It. BuT. *sIghx..* It's a LonG sTory. Ahh. Tt dIn mTr. WhT mTrs Is tt shE was rrLy pLsEd @ E End oF It all cos E coLour chosEn & appLIEd on was a rrLy LovELy onE. sEEInG hEr grInInG Fr Ear-To-Ear mks my hEarT dancE w Joy.

Ard 2p.m. my cusT camE. It's bEEn ALmosT 7 mThs sIncE I saw hEr. So E FIrsT ThInG was *hug hug* FollowEd by quItE a bIT oF caTchInG up hErE & ThErE. LsT buT noT LEasT, shE acTuaLLy sIgnEd a 5x pEdI pkg w mE..!! Oh. & how can I ForgET. ShE acTuaLLy wrappEd up sm chocs & candIEs For mE. SyInG It's an advancEd X'mas gIFT. rrLy swIt Isn'T It..? *^^*

Ard 4:30p.m. I wEnT To pp For my comInG up appTs. @ 5pm whEn I was rEady To go, GuEss whT? It sTarTEd raInInG kIttIEs & doggIEs. Oh wELL. ThEn all E nIghTmarE bEgIns.

*sIghx..* whT can I sy? EvEryThInG tt cLd Go wronG wEnT wronG. wELL wELL. LET's noT Talk abT It. As In. LET's noT ELAboraTE It. LET mE JusT Focus on E Gd ThInGs tt hpnEd ya. ^^" ((I dunno If ThIs Is bEInG posITIvE, sELF-comForTInG or sELF-dEcEIvInG. DoT DoT. *LoL*))

Hmmmx. xIaocIn, JIa you..!! >

BubbLEs..

2007-12-09T13:40:00.000-08:00

LovE. I rEaLIzEd. Is nTh buT BubbLEs.

BEauTIFuL For a LIttLE-LIttLE whILE. AFr whIch, It'd JusT bursT. w/o EvEn LEavInG a TracE.

Tt's all I supposE. Ya. As sImpLE As tt. Tt's all. NTh ELsE. NTh @ all.

9Th DEc ~ E wEddInG DInnEr.

2007-12-09T11:31:00.000-08:00

Hmmmx. LsT nIghT wEnT To attEnd a wEddInG dInnEr w Ah Zuan. DoLLEd up a LIttLE To bE hIs "daTE" For E nIghT. HErE's E pIc wE Took. ^^ ((ThErE's morE In my FrIEndsTEr))

(WaITEd quItE a whILE For Ah Zuan To sEnd ovEr) ~ zzz v sLow. *yawnx*

wELL. @ E wEddInG, I know my mood was smhow.. raThEr InFLuEncEd by E prEvaILInG ATmosphErE. Too much bLIss. Too much Joy. & E paInFuL mEmorIEs sTarTEd attackInG LIkE a mILLIon nEEdLEs.

HowEvEr. My armour oF numbnEss JusT swIFTLy TurnEd ThEm InTo bubbLEs - whIch shortLy AFr, bursT bEForE ThEy cLd succEEd In brInGInG TEars InTo my EyEs.

I supposE tt's how Is It For mE rIghT now. JusT so dEad InsIdE. WhT can rrLy aFFEcT mE I wondEr..? ShakE mE hard Enough TILL I can acTuaLLy FEEL an ImpacT..?

IronIEs.

2007-12-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

So sImpLE. yET so compLIcaTEd.

So nEar. yET so Far.

So FamILIar. yET so sTrangE.

So sTronG. yET so wEak.

So AFFEcTEd. yET so numb.

JusT. mE.

& you dun hv To undErsTand.

LEavE mE ALonE.

2007-12-08T10:12:00.000-08:00

Dun TELL mE you'll bE ThErE.
Dun EvEn TELL mE you'll TRY.
WhT'rE words For?

Dun comE cLosE.
TryInG To know mE?
How much can you know?
If you rrLy know mE wELL Enough,
JusT LEavE mE ALonE.

I LovE.
I haTE.
I can no LongEr LovE no morE.
So pls dun mk mE haTE.

Dun mk mE Talk whEn you aIn gonna LIsTEn.
Dun LIsTEn whEn you aIn gonna undErsTand.
Dun undErsTand whEn ThErE aIn a ThInG you can do.
Dun do anyThInG whEn It aIn gonna mk mE FEEL any bTr.
Dun mk mE FEEL any bTr whEn ThIs FEELInG aIn gonna LsT.
Dun Try To convIncE mE It wILL whEn you aIn gonna aLways bE ThErE.
& STOP arguInG cos wE all know E FacT.

No onE can EvEr ALWAYS bE ThErE For smonE.

BuT. I CAN. I CAN ALWAYS bE hErE For mysELF.

So arE you convIncE now tt you shLd JusT LEavE mE ALonE?

ALonE.

2007-12-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

~ ALonE

I dIdn'T wnT To AdmIT It
It was EasIEr To LIE
To hIdE E hurT & EmpTInEss
To smILE InsTEad oF cry

I JusT haTE To FacE E FacT
My LIFE Is FuLL oF paIn
I LonG To sTop my bLEEdInG hEarT
& myb smILE agaIn

BuT why am I Always oh-so ForgottEn
So bETrayEd, & so aLonE...?
ThErE Isn'T any TracE oF HappInEss
& I'vE goT no souL To call my own

PLs LET mE bE bLInd so tt I wun sEE -
I can nv acTuaLLy sprEad my wInGs
All my happInEss has mELTEd Away
InTo TEars & oThEr ThInGs

It's hard For mE To prTEnd & hIdE
My wIshEs hv no hm
I can onLy rETurn To anguIsh
Bow my hEad & cry AlonE

Found ThIs poEm In a v oLd dIary oF mInE.

So much mEmorIEs.

E "mE" ThEn. So FamILIar. yET so sTrangE.

Why...?

SImpLE. Cos I cLd no LongEr FEEL. No LongEr cry.

Enough.

2007-12-08T08:49:00.000-08:00

I'd Enough. SErIousLy Enough.

Can ppL ard pls, For ChrIsT sakE. JusT sTop pLayInG smarT whEn E oh-so FundamEnTaL basIc ThInG tt EvEn a 1 yr oLd KId knows Is tt you all ArE JusT so damn pLaIn sIckEnInGLy IgnoranT.

If you dunno smThInG - ask. WhT's tt vocaL oF yours For? Why musT you ThInk-you'rE-oh-so-smarT assumE, comE up wITh your oh-It-mks-mE-FEEL-so-happy concLusIon, ThEn I dunno whEThEr InTEnTIonaLLy or noT, hurT smonE rEaL bad. ArE you a sadIsT or whT??

ThEn anoThEr ThInG. Hv you EvEr ask yoursELF - whT bIz Is It oF yours In E FIrsT pLacE? ArE you sImpLy Too FrEE or whT? If you arE, TELL mE. You can comE pLay w my LIttLE onEs. ThEy yEarn For attEnTIon & company. As For whEThEr you all can gET ALonG, no worrIEs abT tt. I'm surE you all can gET aLong RRLY wELL aLrIghT? E InTELLIgEncE LvL Is JusT abT E samE. So It's gonna bE Ez. Oh. BuT onE ThInG. ThEy dEFInaTELy hv much morE InTEgrITy. Oh my. How can I ForgET tt..?? & wELL. Dun arguE w mE. Dun EvEn TRY. UnLEss you consIdEr your pEanuTs amT as "a LoT". If you can'T. ThEn JusT F*ck oFF To a cornEr & sTarT LEARNING how To MIND YOUR OWN BIZ.

I'd bEEn nIcE. Too nIcE. So much so tt you ThInk you can JusT sImpLy Tk advanTagE oF mE. LET mE JusT TELL you ThIs - PLs wakE up.

I am sTronG - No onE & nTh can Tk mE down unLEss I ALLOW ThEm To. So dun Try mE. You ArE noT worTh It.

E Two sonGs..

2007-12-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

Zhuo HuI_Hua TI

面对面坐着的是不是你,
爱情还在不在进行.
想问你是不是想要放弃,
却害怕你也在问自己.
分手是我们唯一的话题,
却没有人愿意提起.
如果一开口变成了结局,
我的心就会离开身体活在过去.
爱不爱结果都叫人伤心,
我不知道该怎么做决定;
分手应该是要先哭泣,还是先忘记.
你是否也有相同的难题,
你的勇气里有我的命运,
我不知道你会不会决定.
我想我现在还不够清醒,
该爱着你,该离开你,
还是继续--逃避

Zhuo JIE Lun_CaI HonG

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

E Two sonGs tt mEans a LoT To my LIFE now..

FIrsT?

2007-12-04T12:10:00.001-08:00

WondErInG whErE E prEvIous bLogg wEnT?

Ya. It was bEInG dELETEd - JusT LIkE sm bITs & pIEcEs oF my LIFE.

I supposE. I can nv rrLy bE compLETE. (Oh. For ThosE who dIdn'T know - E TITLE oF my prEvIous bLogg was: Fr-brokEn-To-CompLETE) WhIch Is JusT so "un-mE". InsTEad, I'm sTILL E samE oLd LIttLE doLLIE. FIrsT To bE ToyEd w, ThEn To bE madE brokEn, & LasT buT noT LEasT, To bE Thrown away.

SmTImEs I rrLy wondEr. WhEn I waLkEd InTo ThEsE ppL's LIFE, hv I EvEr LEFT FooTprInTs In ThEIr hEarT? Or am I, In ThEIr EyEs, JusT a passEr-by?

~ A v LonG coLd nIghT
All aLonE In paIn
rEcaLLEd all tt you'd EvEr saId
As I waLk InTo E raIn

You ToLd mE words wErE promIsEs -
NoT smThInG FILLEd w LIEs
You LET E words buILd up my FaITh
As I Look InTo your EyEs

You TrIEd so hard To Touch my hEarT
Why dId you choosE To Go?
LEavInG mE conFusEd & LosT,
w nTh LEFT To hoLd

OncE agaIn I FELT E paIn
OncE agaIn I Fall
OncE agaIn I TELL mysELF
"BE sTronG" & "LIFE goEs on"

BuT how many TImEs I wondEr
Can my hEarT bE brokE & brokEn
How many TImEs musT I bE hurT
TILL I cLd no LongEr handLE

I wIsh To TELL E whoLE wIdE worLd -
I'm noT a SupErwoman
I'm JusT a doll-LIkE human
Who's LIFE Is Oh-So-BrokEn...